Parenting is tough. Marriage is tough. Kids are tough. Life is tough. You get the picture! Even if you and your partner have completely different parenting styles, you’re still one team and you must work together. Nanny 911 has not only taught me about parenting – about teaching the kids what to expect, about following through, and of course about the Naughty Chair – it’s also taught me about growing my relationship.

Even if you disagree in the moment, do not argue about the kids’ behavior and discipline in front of them. I’m not saying you always have to agree on everything, heaven knows kids need to see that you can disagree and work through it. I’m just saying when it comes to their behavior and consequences, discuss differences of opinions behind closed doors. Behind closed doors is where you’ll sit down and hash it out – respectfully, of course. You’ll talk about your side, his side, and then you’ll reach a compromise.

Types of Parents

Angry Parent: If you’re the parent with the short fuse – always angry and yelling – I bet your kids either tun it out, or think it’s appropriate to act that way and start yelling as well. Am I right? Your spouse might tune it out as well, and then loosen the reigns behind your back, undermining your authority. Or maybe your spouse is the short-fused one, and you find yourself “making up” for it by being more lenient.

Instead of yelling, try taking a few deep breaths or using a stress ball. Identifying your triggers beforehand will help you work on self-control in the moment.

Softy Parent: If you’re the parent that makes excuses for your child’s behavior – pretending their disrespect is “no big deal” – your partner might be pretty frustrated with you. And playdates are most likely a nightmare, so your friends might be upset, too! Do your kids get away with things you know they shouldn’t, and essentially rule the house?

Stop making excuses. Write out clear expectations for your children and yourself, so everyone is on the same page and knows which behaviors are okay – and which are not.

There are several other parenting styles discussed in the Nanny 911 book. They are covered in great detail and I love that the book gives you tips for how to handle each parenting type.

Making Your Relationship a Priority

When you’ve been married a while, sometimes things can get pushed to the side – like date night. I understand how easy it is to get swept up into the routine of just being Mom and Dad, but at some point your kids will be grown and you have to be able to function as a married couple, right? Don’t put date night off for 18 years!

Even if you can’t escape the house on a regular basis, you can have a date night in after the kids go to bed. There are tons of ideas for date nights – both in the house and out – on Pinterest! I know it’s difficult to find a babysitter sometimes, but at least try to make date night out a priority as well – even if it’s just once a month, for a few hours!

Check out the rest of my Nanny 911’s series:

If there is just one area that most parents – as a whole – fail in, it’d be consistency. We fail at consistency in all parts or our lives at one point or another, right? That diet that’s “going to start on Monday”, or the gym membership we pay for and never use, or whatever else we might’ve started and stopped doing over the course of our lives. It’s all about staying consistent, and as a whole we do not have a great track record. That is about to change, with Nanny 911’s help.

Consistency is a key ingredient in the recipe for good parenting, and well-behaved children. Consistency gives our children a sense of security. When they know what’s going to happen next, or what to expect, it makes transition times much easier. If you have a child that is prone to be anxious, having consistent boundaries and a somewhat consistent schedule can help ease their day to day anxiety.

How to Be Consistent

Create a schedule. Choose a time to wake up, a time for naps, and a time to go to bed. Within those time frames, you’ll also need a rough time for meals, snacks, clean up times, brushing teeth, baths, etc. If you need to, depending on your child’s ages, create a chart detailing your routine. Be sure to account for emergencies, mishaps, and other things that are bound to come up during your day. This means you don’t need to account for every 15 minutes of the day – just a general outline is sufficient, showing the kiddos what to expect around each time of day. [Read more…]

A big part of the Nanny 911 book (and philosophy) is communication. Nanny 911 frequently speaks about communicating – with your spouse, and with your children. Not only will open communication help solve problems now, it will also set a great foundation for your little ones to grow on – all the way to adulthood!

Think about all the times you’ve had a conflict, whether at school, work, or even at the grocery store. Communicating effectively most likely could have not only solved many of those issues, but prevented them. Not many people put the effort in to learn how to communicate.

3 Communication Tips for Kids of All Ages

Be consistent (Nanny 911 Commandment #6), and receptive. Like I tell the little ones, “put your listening ears on”. Sometimes, as kids grow into teens, they start to shut down and refuse to communicate with us as parents. Many times, that happens not because they’re “just teenagers”, but because we have taught them that we don’t want to hear what they have to say. I know it’s easy to say that we do listen to our kids, but in this day and age of cell phones and social media, many parents miss the mark when it comes to looking their kids in the eyes and giving them their undivided attention. If this is you, don’t fret – it’s something you can easily fix, with a little work.

1. When communicating with children of all ages – yes, even teens – look them in the eye. This is so important. Put down the phone and give your child 100% of your attention. If you don’t, you’re teaching them two things:

1 – The phone is more important than they are.
2 – If they misbehave or act out, you just might get mad enough to put the phone down and give them the attention they’re craving.

Put extra effort into spending time with your kids, no matter their age. Read to your kids, or have them read to you. Set up a sensory bin, or even a water table, and get down on their level to have a little extra play time.

2. Babies and Toddlers: When babies do something like bite or hit, use communication to redirect. Obviously you wouldn’t put a baby in time out, but talking to them and explaining things as if they know what’s going on is what you want to do from Day 1! They will learn about expected behavior, and your responses, much faster this way.

With babies and toddlers, instead of saying “no hitting!”, I like to say “gentle touches” and show an example. Or, “hands are for loving, not hitting” – with another example. For older kids, “Use your words” instead of hitting.

I’m a preschool teacher, so “teacher” mode is something that sticks with me. As a preschool teacher, I try to only use positive language. Meaning I don’t say “no running”, I’ll say “walking feet”. This is because when you say “no running”, an image of running goes through their mind! Forget the “no” part… they’re gone! 🙂 If you say “walking feet”, then they’re picturing a set of walking feet and will hopefully comply. We know this concept from when the librarians in school would say “inside voices” instead of “no yelling!”. It works!

3. All ages: When discussing behavior with your child, don’t interrupt. Let them speak their piece – in a respectful way – and then repeat or at least acknowledge what they’ve said. I love that the Nanny 911 book has several examples of real conversations with kids of all ages to demonstrate exactly how to do this. Show your child you love them, but also tell them. Tell them you’re listening, then show them by putting your phone or other distractions away.

Communication is vital to a healthy relationship with your kids, but it does take some work – especially if communication isn’t something you were taught while growing up. When your kids understand that you’re listening to them, they’re more likely to listen to you. Practice makes perfect, though, so just keep working towards a positive and open line of communication in the family.

Check out the rest of my Nanny 911’s series (coming soon!):

You’ve read the 11 Commandments of Nanny 911 and are well on your way to understanding how to get back on track with your kids. You’re working on being more consistent, but the consequences you’re giving out either don’t fit the “crime” or aren’t effective. Now what? Cue the Naughty Chair.

If you’ve watched Nanny 911, you’ve seen the nannies use the Naughty Chair, and you’ve seen how effective it can be! The Naughty Chair isn’t fit for kids of all ages, nor is it fit for every child, but it’s a good option if your kids have become out of control and you’re looking to start reinforcing the rules and Nanny’s other commandments to get your house back in order.

Having household rules and enforcing them consistency is key to getting unruly behavior back in line. Don’t let things get to the point of you being angry when you’re sending your child to the Naughty Chair (or other consequence). Handle it firmly, calmly, and rationally. Remember commandment #8: respect is a two-way street. This doesn’t mean you should be a pushover – it means quite the opposite! Don’t yell. Don’t be mean. Be firm. You’ll earn your child’s respect, they’ll know you mean business, and you won’t feel guilty afterwards like you do when you lose your cool.

It’s important not to overuse the Naughty Chair. Give your child a warning in an authoritative and firm voice, explaining which behavior you want them to stop. If your child continues this behavior, you take them to a designated chair (you could use a step, too), and explain – briefly – why they are in time out. Quickly walk away, setting a timer for their time out. A good rule of thumb is one minute per year of age. If your child moves from the chair, they go back and the time starts over – without any talking, haggling, arguing, etc from you. Some kids have a rough time standing in a corner or sitting in a chair, so if you want to create an “area” rather than one tiny space (to avoid power struggles), that works, too. You know what will work best for your child.

Staying put in the discipline area is important. Remember: start the timer over if they throw a fit, move out of the area, etc. The more consistent you are, the faster they will learn how to behave both in the Naughty Chair and in every day life!

Once the timer goes off, explain the situation – what happened, why they ended up in the chair, and how they will end right back in the chair if they do it again. At this time your child should apologize, if they did something like hit you, etc. Last but not least, give them a hug and tell them you love them. At this point, you move past the bad behavior and start fresh.

Don’t make the mistake of giving warning after warning after warning. Give a warning, clearly and firmly, and then if the behavior repeats or continues, off to the Naughty Chair they go without any fussing from you. Treat it as a simple fact of life, rather than a big ordeal. It is what it is. You do the crime, you serve the time – and then we move on.

The Naughty Chair is used when rules are not followed. It is a time out for both Mom and child, because heaven knows we all need a break sometimes, too! If you overuse this form of discipline, it becomes less effective, so keep that in mind.

Do not negotiate or engage with your child when they’re in time out. After the time out has finished successfully, that is when you can talk about the behavior and why it was unacceptable.

At the end of the day, remember to focus on the positive as much as possible. I know it gets frustrating, and I know it can be tiring – but focusing on the positive is going to get you much better results. I promise! 🙂

If you’re looking for even more parenting tips, be sure to check out the Nanny 911 book on Amazon.

Nanny 911 is a popular television show that gives us a peek into the lives of other families, most notably ones with out of control kids. Every time I see the show, I learn something new. Sometimes, it’s learning what I’m doing “wrong”, and sometimes it’s just breathing a huge sigh of relief that my kids aren’t those kids. With that being said, I think there are many things we can learn from Nanny 911 so let’s talk about the 11 Commandments of Nanny 911.

The Nanny 911 book is much more in depth than I could be in this parenting post series, so be sure to check it out from your local library (or buy it on Amazon), and follow along on this journey!

1. Be consistent. When we say “no” it needs to mean “no”. The same goes for “yes”, obviously. When you’re at the park and you give a five minute warning, set a timer because “five minutes” should mean five minutes. After the five minutes is up, don’t let little Johnny talk you into “just one more time down the slide” over and over again. It’s a trap! 🙂
2. Actions have consequences. Be clear on the expected behavior in your home. Whether you use a behavior chart, a consequences jar, or some other type of tracking system, make sure it’s clear and consistent. Reward and praise good behavior, focusing on the positive as much as possible. Follow through with consequences for bad behavior, without feeling guilty. Our children need us to follow through, be consistent, and teach them that bad behaviors do have consequences. Better for them to learn from us than from the judicial system 15 or 20 years down the road.
3. Say what you mean and mean what you say. This goes along with being consistent, and teaching kids that actions have consequences. Think of your words carefully before speaking them – especially with kids that like to jump to the worst conclusions right away. Keep your tone light and positive, unless you’re disciplining… then speak in a lower tone and be firm. We want our kids to understand that they can trust what we say. If we say something, we follow through. Period.
4. Parents work together as a team. Be a united front. We’ve all heard it before, but putting it into action can be tough – especially if your parenting style is completely different than your partner’s! It is vital to show that united front to the kids, though, so don’t discuss (or argue about!) their behavior and consequences in their presence. This can lead to many issues, such as the kids trying to pit Mom against Dad or going behind the other parent’s back to get a lesser punishment.
5. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. This repeats the third commandment, but it’s important. Don’t promise the world when you can’t deliver it. If you say you’re going to take them to the park, take them to the park. I realize that emergencies happen and things do come up, but make it a priority to keep your promises. This will build trust and respect, and help improve your relationship with your children.
6. Listen to your children. In this day and age, everyone is glued to electronics. It’s sad, really. Look around at any restaurant, park, or public place, and you’ll see kids that can barely talk just plugging away on an iPad. You’ll see parents completely ignoring their children, and teens tuned out more than ever before. Kids are being ignored in a huge way by this generation of parents, and the behavior of the children is reflecting it. When your child needs something, when they ask a question, when they want to talk to you… look them in the eye, and listen. Don’t just nod and smile and glance at them out of the corner of your eye from Facebook. Really, really look at them and listen. Acknowledge their presence, and acknowledge their feelings.
7. Establish a routine. Children (and many adults!) thrive on routine, rules, and order. It makes us feel secure and lets us know what’s coming next in our day.
8. Respect is a two-way street. So many parents are quick to spout off, “respect is earned, not given!” … but they forget that respect is a two-way street. We have to show our children respect, to teach them by example. Set an example so your children know what’s expected of them and how to act.
9. Give positive reinforcement. While it’s easier in the short-term to focus on the negative and just send them to their room or whatever else, the truth is, positive reinforcement works much better. Children thrive on praise. Praise the process rather than the result.
10. Manners are universal. The easiest way to impress someone is to show them how well-mannered your children are! This one takes a lot of work, laying a great foundation, but if you lead by example, it’ll stick!
11. Define your roles as parents. As a parent, it’s not your job to be your child’s friend. It’s also not your job to define who your child becomes. They will grow into themselves and learn how to define themselves as individuals. We are meant to prepare them for the world, not hold their hand until they’re 30. 🙂

What do you think of Nanny 911’s commandments? Would they work in your house?

Check out the rest of my Nanny 911’s series (coming soon!):